Sweet, sweet summer is here and the fun has begun! It stills feels weird to be spending our summer in Atlanta and not in Charleston. This summer is an adjustment for all...Lilly is not in school and staying home all day, there are TWO kids, not one...and it's a loooonnngggg way to the beach :( I got a little taste of Charleston fun last weekend when I went to clean out my classroom, thus closing that chapter in life for a while. I know that at some point, I must return to the classroom, or at least something in the educational field. Six years of teaching fit onto two shelves in our shed. It was kinda sad looking at it all packed up. My friends talked about the impact students said they made on their lives as they looked back on the school year and I miss that feeling, a lot. My sub said kids were crying about not seeing me one final time. I didn't really want to go back the day school ended and get them all fired up. All teachers know what the last day of school is like and coming in would have created a disaster! Anyhow, that chapter is closed-for now-and I am enjoying my new occupation as "mothering". Those that say a stay-at-home mom has an easy job deserved to be slapped. It's much more difficult than people think. Sometimes I long for a day at work in a building other than my own home. I'm jealous at times that Billy gets to go and talk to ADULTS! With all this said though, I wouldn't trade this job for the world :)
A few weeks ago, I enrolled Lilly in gymnastics and she loves, loves, loves it. It's such an outlet for her to go somewhere and run WILD. She thrives on structure and the class provides just that. As I was watching her yesterday, I was reminded of how much she needs school and really enjoys the routines and structures of teachers. It's just her personality. She has a blast here at home playing babies and kitchen, but August will be fun for her when she goes back to school part-time. (I am currently watching her "read" to her baby that's in Emily's carrier-so sweet).
I know that Lilly is really happy to be near all her aunts and uncles and grandparents, especially. She begs to see all her Papas and never, ever, ever looks back when she has a sleep over at Grammys. She's out the door before I even have a chance to say goodbye. I remember staying over at my grandmothers as a young girl and it was so much fun! We did things that mommy's and daddy's don't do. Soon enough, Emmie will be flying out the door right along with Lilly.
Lilly also had a playdate this week with a new friend, Astrid, and she had so. much. fun. It was awesome for her to get out and play with someone other than myself and her pretend dolls. She conversates with them on a daily basis and it was nice to see her actually interact with someone else and see the joy the day brought to her. She's currently napping after wearing herself O-U-T!
Emily is doing great as time progresses! She's still working on strength and she's definitely stronger. When I pick her up out of the crib, she's much sturdier and not as floppy. You still can't carry her on your shoulder without her flopping backwards, so one hand is always a must. In addition, she still can't be carried on the hip-which I long for! Our therapist said not to do that anyways because it's not good for the hips (in kids with DS). Boo on that. She's doing really, really, really good with tummy time and is holding her head up for extended periods of time. She don't love tummy time, but I haven't met a baby that did.
Even with all the positives, there's always some negative to my week in the realization that I have a special needs child. Will I ever get over that and just accept it? I always seem to look for other kids with DS and judge them (because I'm known for judging). I just can't seem to help it. I look at height, necks, arm length, eye structure...and I wonder deeply what Emily will look like. At gymnastics class, there's another mom that has to bring her baby while her toddler plays and she's two weeks younger than Emily and at least twice her size. While the toddlers were playing with balls, the other mother had her baby on the mats, SITTING UP all by herself. Whattttt? We work tirelessly in the Bumbo and the Boppy trying to get some back strength and nada. No sitting up. No attempt. Falling only. Even though kids with DS meet their milestones much later, it's still hard to accept. It seems like I will always be judging Emily based on other kids. I know that I will stop, but it's only been 5 months of having her in my life. Do all parents with special needs kids go through this? I'm taking a class this Saturday on raising a child with DS and it helps parents understand milestones and what to look for (as well as coaching me on this damn Katie Beckett stuff). Later in life, there are even more battles to fight when Emily gets older. While this may be very aggressive, some parents actually have their kids tubes tied that have special needs. What if Emily goes off to special needs camp and falls in love with another camper and they do the wild thing? And she gets pregnant! It's highly unlikely considering those with Down syndrome are usually infertile, but it could happen. Some get a hysterectomy because they cannot manage their periods. WWWWHHHHAAAATTTT? I mean, this is crazy, right!!?? Despite how wrong I see these things as-they are realistic, and they are things we must think of because we really don't know what our path will look like 15 years down the road. We gotta think long term and short term. I'm stuck in the short term, but I think that's what I need. One. Step. At. A. Time.
Anyhow, despite all this thinking I've been doing, life is grand and Billy and I are really happy to be in Atlanta closer to family. We have our own first slumber party this weekend with friends and the kids are spending the night at Grammy and Papa Joe's house while mommy and daddy act like fools. All this serious business we've been through calls for a little playdate of our own :)
Off to take 5 minutes to relax before one of my children needs me attention :)
