A Slap in the Face...

Today was a reality check.  My mom and I spent this beautiful morning/afternoon at the park with Lilly and Emily and had a blast.  Lilly is getting more and more brave at playing on the "big kid" toys which is so fun!  She was absolutely fascinated by kites and tomorrow we will definitely be getting one for her.  She is going to be so much fun this spring and summer.  She's growing into such a big girl-talking and making me laugh (hard!) on a daily basis.

Mama kites!

With this fun time at the park brought me a slap in the face.  Hard.  We all have rose-colored glasses on while looking at Emily.  She's so strong we all think.  She came out kicking and screaming.  Like I've said in the past, she was not gray like we thought she'd be, but pink like a piglet!  Our therapists all have great things to say about Emily, but today, I can't help but be sad and face reality.

While Lilly was playing, I met another mom who had a three month old.  She held her head up without it bobbing or falling back as if it were going to fall off, stood on her mom's legs without crumbling, sat in her lap with a straight back, and really observed life around her.  I picked Emily up only to have her do the usual crumble into my arms, unable to support herself in any way, shape, or form.  It made me take off my glasses and realize that we have a long road ahead.  Not only is Emily's strength significantly delayed, but she's just been having a hard time lately.  Feeding is becoming such a task...as if it weren't already.  She's beginning to get clammy (which is a sign of heart failure), and she is not as vibrant and full of life as she was a few weeks ago.  I am so thankful surgery is in a week and a half.  I think someone is telling us that now is really the time.

I am usually a very positive person and I have always seen and treated Emily as if she has no challenges.  The reality, however, is that there will be lots and lots of challenges ahead.  Today made me realize that.  I'm going to make the best out of today though and spend this beautiful weather outside with my girls.  Despite feeling defeated, I have two little angels to take care of today.